a cataclysm in repose

(via yellowand)

tylersnotthere:

When are we gonna have a jam sess you whore?

soon?! i’m leaving for LA at the end of this week broskeez, wtf! [x
better hit me up so we can plan something. 

it’s been summer for a while now, meaning i’ve doing a whole lot of nothing. and what do teenagers do when there isn’t shit to do? we go on tumblr. and as a girl who sits in front of a computer at home when i’m all makeupless and grimey, i of course will happen upon the pixelated images of gorgeous girls, especially on tumblr where a large majority of posts are artsy fartsy pics of beautiful women, and i proceed to become depressed about my looks.

so basically whenever i sit around looking at girls prettier than me & i get depressed over superficial things in life, i have to stop myself and think about how stupid i am and begin counting the reasons of why all that shit doesn’t matter. and this is what i’ve concluded:

i’m pretty smart. not extremely or especially smart, but smart enough to get into a decent enough college and eventually get a decent, well-paying job in the future. also i’m musically inclined, so that’s more plus points right? i’m a decent conversationalist, and also not (too much of) a slut (lawlzjk). so all these things i think definitely weigh out being pretty. because, okay let’s think of things you can do if all you got going for you is being extremely pretty:

• become an actress
• become a model
• become a porn star
• become a stripper 

so the chances of becoming an actress are exceedingly slim, because even if you’re really pretty you need to be relatively talented. and even if you’re pretty, talented and charismatic, you need connections. and even if you’re pretty, talented and have connections, becoming a wellpaid actress is still a one-in-a-million chance (or you can be not pretty and untalented like kristen stewart but she probably has a plethora of connections so fuck her). so cross that off the list. and then there’s being a model, but getting steady pay checks being a model is near impossible unless you’re a supermodel, and only people who are white, 6 foot and weigh 80 pounds can be models so fuck all that.

so pretty much:

• become an actress
• become a model
• become a porn star (doesn’t look too fun)
• become a stripper (also doesn’t look so fun, though i’m sure they get hella in tips…but only if they have giant tatas, & that i don’t have, so fuck that)

in conclusion, i think i’m okay with the fact i’m not an extremely pretty asian girl with a fine ass body like all the girls on my tumblr dashboard, because (assuming they’re all sluts and/or extremely unintelligent and not wanting to think otherwise or else i’ll just want to kill myself) they just have the pornstar industry/stripping to look forward to, so i’d say i’m pretty well off. yay self-esteem boost! :D

</end rant> 

AHAHAHAHA this is amazing, like really, this made me LOL for a good while. because as hurtful as you’re trying to be, you’re proving nothing to me besides that you’re a spiteful, jealous person who prejudges based on minimal knowledge on a person. if you REALLY knew me you would know that when i’m with “the asians” as you call them, they refer to me as the “white person” (well, ryan does, lol) because i openly don’t partake in badminton and yugioh playing and whatnot (though i am addicted tapex, play videogames and watch kdramas). not that it matters, because i’ve been friends with most of them since middle school/freshman year and i hang out with them because they like me not for what i look like or who i hang out with, but for who i am. and i know this because they’ve been there for me from when i was all unattractive and awkward all the way to now, & still like me the same, because i’m still the same person inside that i was when i was all ugly & fat. [x AHAHA and could you please define “sceney” because when i’m with kayla its usually in french class, talking about life, so if that qualifies as being “sceney” then evidently you need to look into what that adjective means. yeah we’ve been to a few shows together, but i’ve been going to shows wayyy before, starting the summer of freshman year. i think the only thing that that would support your statement is that we both tease our hair (well idk if she does?) and i do that (well now i just blowdry it aha tmi) because i have a fat face & more volumous hair makes me less insecure about it [/confession of the day] ]: oh and also we both listen to hxc? but again, i started doing that end of freshman year, & i def don’t listen to much hxc anymore, & rarely go to shows either for that matter (though i am going to warped! :D) if anything, the one style i would be trying to adhere to most would be “indie”, but what is indie really besides dressing like a hobo and listening to obscure bands with harmonization and synth and stuff? (both of which i have a tendancey of doing [:) ahaha and when i hang out with joey i act purely like nothing but myself: really weird and whiney and constantly complaining about how he acts too asian to be my boyfriend. because if you didn’t already know my boyfriend is a hypebeast so it would be totally futile acting indie around him (and if i do it’s because i can bitchhh).

and how does sticking to one “style” indicate individuality? i’m pretty sure i reinforce originality (whatever that is) by not giving a fuck about labels & not “sticking” to one type of stereotype. i mean, you’re right, i do jump around from style to style, but that’s because i have an eclectic bunch of interests. i apologize if how i act and dress don’t fit into a certain category… no wait, i DON’T apologize. i do what i want bish [:

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i ar3 str3tch1ng y0ur dashz! no really though, don’t you love hate? LOL, because i really do. [:

http://www.formspring.me/carissaaa